Honesty | haRdLy NOrMal

Posts Tagged ‘honesty’

Tech is changing things

Published by October 5th, 2008 in My Big Mouth

After reading that you are probably saying, “like duh”, but yesterday I had an epiphany (or maybe a brain hemorrhoid) while shopping for speaker stands. I was at the Best Buy in West Hollywood. I like Best Buy but this one is always a mad house. As I waited for service I started to tweet about how even if I set myself on fire I would not get help. Well, it is a public place, and gas is so expensive so I didn’t try it. What I did do is continue to tweet about the bad customer service. Ok, I tried but the manager kept interrupting my typing.

Now think about that. As we move forward we are becoming a mobile technology society. There is no privacy anymore. There isn’t!

Let’s say you have 20,849 people following you on twitter like Guy Kawasaki and you receive a damaged product, or horrible customer service – you can instantly let a mass of people know about your experience. That really changes everything.

Now let’s take this one step further and bring it into the church world. The preacher is telling everyone the bad economy including gas prices is their fault because they don’t have enough faith. A person sitting in the sanctuary can easily broadcast to the world the preacher is full of crap!

From my experience many church leaders work very hard to keep all communication controlled. Heck, for many writing a post like this is still considered a rebellious spirit yet nothing could be further from the truth. Open and honest communication is healthy. “Control or growth. Pick one.” -Rick Warren

Today I heard a preacher say that most church leaders try and control a person’s behaviors because it is easier than allowing God to change the person’s heart. WOW!

Too me I could not be more excited. Because of the advances in technology more and more people are speaking up against years of oppression, religious gimmicks, and wrong! I am sure this is scary for many leaders because their need for control is fueled by deep rooted insecurities.

The solution is to be real. Not just say you are real, but actually be authentic at all times. Leaders also must be vulnerable. I follow several Christian leaders on twitter and I just love and respect them even more when they show their real self.

Be real – always. Be honest – always. Do what is right even when others don’t and without exception! You just never know how many people are following that guy who is typing on his iPhone!

If church was accepting and loving would we need outreach?

Published by August 10th, 2008 in Change, Church, My Big Mouth, Outreach

1 Comment

“As long as Christians fail to repent of self-righteousness, we will continue to speak of evangelism in terms such as outreach, which implies we will not embrace lost people but will keep them at least an arm’s length away.” “… the transformed lives of people in the church are both the greatest argument for, and the greatest explanation of, the gospel. Therefore, it welcomes non-Christians into the church, not so much through evangelistic programs as through informal relationships like Jesus developed with his first disciples … (this evangelism) considers it vital that lost people be brought close enough to witness the natural and practical outworking of the gospel in people’s lives.”

- Mark Driscoll

I found this quote on one of my new favorite blogs

http://www.vinceantonucci.com/

This really hit me today as I walked into the Angelus Temple/Dream Center’s bathroom this morning and saw a few homeless men take benefit from a sink and running water in a place that won’t kick them out. In fact, they were welcomed. One was washing up and another was shaving. Trust me, finding a place that will allow that is rare. What would your security do? Come on keep it real now!

The thought that hit my spirit, though, is why do we even do outreach? And let’s be real, the majority of outreaches I have seen and or heard about didn’t change anyone. Not really. Some I even organized and managed so I am also speaking to myself here. From my first hand experience over the last 5 years outreaches were more of a preprogrammed thing churches do. Even though many of the people have right hearts they are blind to the infectiveness of their actions. It is like we are programmed to go to where we think the poor and needy are and give handouts, have a mini sermon, get people to raise their hands – AND THEN LEAVE. Rarely did I ever see these people in church. God is not magic. People need more than a sinner’s prayer – they need to feel real and unconditional love found through commitment.

And please, if you are going to bus people in commit to it. If a few kids get unruly, maybe even throwing some pizza out the window and mouthing back to staff members, DON”T STOP busing them it. You won’t be teaching them a lesson only reinforcing the abandonment they get at home. Buy more pizza and some cleaner. If you have a bad apple remove it BUT KIDS NEED LOVE and they don’t get it at home. The best place for them is church.

I know I am squirrel chasing here but one of the many stories Pastor Tommy tells comes to mind. They bus thousands of kids into Phoenix First for service. One of the deacons came to Pastor Tommy saying “we have to stop busing these kids in. They are writing swear words on the bathroom walls”, Pastor Tommy responded “it’s not required reading”. What is more important the kids or the building? Some of you will say we have to respect God’s house. But God himself would much rather have you take care of His people than YOUR building – guaranteed! You will teach hurting kids far more by continuing to get them out of their horrible environments into a loving place a few hours every week than you will by the disciplinarian tactic of stopping the route completely.

Please don’t get mad at me for telling the truth here. And there are some churches that do great works and we need to support them. Yet most churches are simply as lost as the people they are trying to reach!

The whole point I am trying to make here is if we took all the energy and money used for an outreach and simply made our church experiences more loving and ACCEPTING, than church itself would be where it ALL happens.

To repeat something I heard this morning, you cannot build a great church until you build great people. Love on people. Not just at the trailer park, the mall, or the place in your town where the homeless gather, but at your church. Before you plan your next outreach take a good look in the mirror and see if you really are a loving church for that demographic. If so, than the seats will already be filled with people from the areas you minster in! They will be attracted to you and your outreach ministry is effective. If you are only welcoming to a certain kind of people, let’s say upper-middle class, than love on them because all people hurt and have needs. Not everyone is called to reach the poor, and not everyone is called to reach people with money. Just stop trying to be something you are not.

Rich or poor, the key to reaching people, all people, is to sincerely welcome them inside and outside of your building – and without exception.

Why do we separate outreach? What would happen if we ALWAYS gave the love we show in a park in our church experiences?

Non-compete in ministry

Published by August 5th, 2008 in Change, Church, Leadership, Managment, My Big Mouth

2 Comments »

First I have to come right out and say I only have myself to blame for being bit by a non- compete since I was the one who suggested to the church leadership were I was employed that it should be implemented.

I WAS WRONG!

If ministry is truly about building the Body of Christ it should not matter if an employee’s talents are used at the church down the road. A church leadership that implements a non-compete is 100% thinking about their own growth and not God’s people. It is a selfish action based on fear.

I have also seen church leadership carefully select who in the organization is asked to sign a non-compete agreement. If your co-workers are being asked to sign a non-compete and you are not asked it is an indication that leadership wants you to leave. This should be common sense. Leadership values the people it is concerned will leave and/or leave to help a nearby church grow and therefore requires a non-compete. One purposes of such an agreement is a scare tactic to get a valued employee to stick around. For those employees leadership does not value and actually wants to leave a non-compete may prolong their exit.

Employers rely on fear to get you to sign, and ignorance that you won’t check the laws in your state to see if a non-compete is enforceable. Some employers know, but don’t care, that their non-compete agreements are not enforceable. Each state has different labor laws and you need to do a little research before you sign anything! A non-compete is binding only if it’s reasonable in scope and necessary to protect the company’s interests. For example, it might be enforceable if it restricts you from working for a competitor for six months within a 25-mile radius, but not beyond that scope or if you can prove it will seriously impact your right to make a living. Remember – that state you live in wants you to be employed!

You should also be compensated for signing a non-compete. If you’re a new-hire at the time your employer asks you to sign, then employment alone might be compensation enough, at least for a court. But if you’ve already worked there for awhile and your employer doesn’t offer you an incentive to sign it, other than termination if you don’t, then a court might be on your side if you refused to sign and your employer retaliated.

The bottom line is this. Even though an employer gives a healthy Christmas bonus it still does not mean they don’t abuse employees with covert employment policies such as shunning. It is not right for any company or organization to abuse their workers and the church must elevate above all this mess and lead by example. This week I had several conversations with people who were deeply hurt by the ministry they worked for. These people are not victims because they worked through the hurt and continue to work for God. Telling the truth does not make you a victim, staying down does and without the truth people will continue to abuse people.

A preacher will stand behind the pulpit and claim we are not of the world, yet have their HR department implement a non-compete agreement. Please take a long hard honest look at yourself. Are the actions you are taking today motivated to help people, truly help ALL people, or just to keep you in control of the kingdom you created?

Please forgive the duplicate but I felt the following statement needed to be repeated:

The Lord said “I didn’t say that”

Published by August 1st, 2008 in Blogs, Change, Church, Leadership, Ministry, My Big Mouth

1 Comment

This week I happened to have one of the most amazing experiences of my Christian walk. So amazing it might be considered a miracle. It was to me!

My boss held a “debrief” meeting to openly and honestly address a few concerns employees had about an all staff meeting held a few weeks earlier. In ministry, that alone was amazing because open and honest communication is often suppressed. As the meeting started we all got on the subject of saying “The Lord said…” and my boss, who was leading this meeting, said something like “we won’t have any, ‘and God said’, because when you say, ‘and God said’, how can you argue? God said it and that is that. We want truth and not manipulation.”

WHAT! No lightening? No locust? No one was fired for saying something that was straightforward and real?

As a team we then went on to discuss how the older generation of Christian leaders use “and the Lord said” as a form of manipulation. These are not bad people, they just don’t know any better. It is how they were taught because their leaders did the same thing. Chances are, God didn’t say anything and they are simply speaking their own personal wants. By adding “God said” it has to be God since he/she is a pastor, right? So you do it, believe it, swallow it, and the only thing God said is, “I didn’t say that”.

Too me, that is using the Lords name in vain. Yupper our grandmothers all used that scripture to keep us from swearing, but let’s be real. God’s name is used far too often for stuff He had nothing to do with, and mostly by pastors and their wives!

We also talked about how voicing a difference of option is NOT a rebellious spirit. And if anyone tells you it is a rebellious spirit they are trying to manipulate you. WHAT! Are you kidding me? How can that be? Question the man of God? That is what we are taught so we keep quiet and the church remains sick.

Many of you who are regular readers of hn.com (I can recommend a good clinical physiologist) know I have been writing about how the “old school” style of authoritarian leadership in the church MUST change, and is changing because of the internet. In posts like It’s too late for Jerry but is it too late for the church? I write about the lack of self-awareness and in A marketplace flop – how do you deal with failure? I write about what happens when organizations are not honest. Pretty much you can find that theme evolving throughout this blog, but for the most part it was my gut.

This last week I had a conversation with one of the most brilliant leaders nowadays who is literally influencing positive change throughout the Body of Christ. We were on the topic of how toxic leaders in the church world suppress honesty because they would have to face the false reality they have created. A reality that keeps them in an “ivory tower”, and keeps their church from truly being effective. Worse yet, these church leaders have a horrible effect on the views of the unchurched.

As we talked further and I continued to get more and more thrilled, without any prior communication my gut feelings were being echoed. We touched on the subject of change and how the internet finally gave suppressed believers a vehicle to speak open and honestly. Church leaders could no longer manipulate us into silence, and that not only is a good thing – it is a God thing!

I have to honestly say I am once again in awe of what God has done for me. I believe in the church yet after working the last 5 years in fulltime ministries that suppress the truth and refuse to see realty I was starting to give up hope. God has placed me in an organization that allows open communication and is on the forefront of change for thousands of churches, and a local church where loving people is not a pretense and much more than a tagline.

Leaders, if you don’t allow your people to speak openly and honestly you are closing yourself off to reality. If you only allow your opinion chances are you are a toxic leader and you hinder your own personal growth, and your own minsitries growth. You cannot control people’s thoughts so you might as well know what they are thinking. Open communication is healthy and it will lead to healthy change. Yes, there may be conflict but by running from conflict you are causing more harm than good. Only by working through conflit can we find real love.

If you are an employee or volunteer in an organization that does not allow open communication, and you have respectfully tried to influence change in a positive way to no avail – leave! The organization is not growing in a healthy direction and in time you too will become unhealthy. It is ok the leave. It is not a sin no matter what you are taught. You will be better off in a ministry where God can use your gifts and talents than remaining with a supressive leadership that is more concerned about control than doing what is right and truly being effective.

How can we encourage healthy change and healthy communication in everything we do?

It’s too late for Jerry but is it too late for the church?

Published by June 25th, 2008 in Change, Just Me, Leadership, My Big Mouth

No Comments »

There was a guy in my high school named Jerry. Jerry physically matured years ahead of his time. In 7th grade he was well over 6′ and 250 lbs. He was a giant and everyone was scared of him. Jerry was a jerk yet because we were all too scared to be honest with him his character defects were reinforced. As an adult Jerry turned out to be a complete ass and often hurts those around him! Jerry thinks he is the greatest and deep down he is a good guy with a big heart. But because he continues to believe the false reality he created around him he remains socially retarded

I feel the church is much like Jerry. Stuck on stupid and scared to hear the real truth. So scared of change that leadership works overtime to avoid reality! I am not commenting on any specific church but the church world as a whole. Lots of what I blog about are commonalities I have seen working in fulltime ministry the last 15 years.

Although my posts may be viewed (by some) as negative they are actually very positive. The church needs to wake up and become self-aware because we aren’t even making a dent. For the most part we puff ourselves up with “evangelistic” numbers and praise reports refusing to see reality. The feedback we receive is selective at best. Open and honest communication is a start and if leadership allows for such truthfulness, even at the risk of seeing their own faults, you are in a healthy organization. . If leadership does not allow genuine honesty they are not really leaders.

What I currently see is the church is being built around a personality and not the people. WWJD has turned into “what would pastor do”. Almost every single church staff meeting I have ever been a part of the biggest concern was pleasing the senior pastor. Being effective and helping people took a backseat to the desires of the King. An authoritarianism style of leadership is very common place in the church today ruling either by the use of fear or manipulating people with “blessings”! This style not only creates an ivory tower world to feed and protect their insecurities it does not allow open communication and honesty.

The internet is forcing change in the business world and orginizations are finding success by releasing control to the consumer. Like they have a choice! We are in a consumer driven world these days and the churches who are REALLY making a difference are the ones who engage the people, listen to the people, and allow the people to take some of the control. The churches that are finding real growth, for the most part, are placing people before “the man”. Many don’t even have a photo of the sr pastor on their webpage and promotional materials because they consciously make an effort to be much more than a personality.

I strongly believe the number one principle a leader can adopt, that will positively affect change resulting in genuine growth, is a culture of open and honest healthy communication. You may be able to keep their mouths shut but your people are going to think it anyway. You might as well know what they are thinking. Have a meeting with your people and start by asking “what would you tell me if you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt there would be absolutely no repercussions?”, and then sit and listen, openly, without saying anything, allowing for real and honest feedback. (thanks Andy)

Of course, you may hear things you don’t want to hear. The truth hurts. I know for me it is the stuff that makes me mad, that I don’t want to hear, that I REALLY DO NEED TO HEAR. It may take a day or week for me to realize the person was right, and I was wrong. But the growth is worth the pain.

Here is a truth. No matter how loving you think you are, if you are a leader, people are scared to be honest with you. Chances are, too, that you actually play a part in reinforcing that fear. We don’t like change and we all believe our way is best so we unconsciously create a world to protect our own views. Ask yourself this: The people around you who are the closest to you and help you run the organization, do they challenge you or do they always just agree with you? Do they sometimes make you mad because they stand up for a different point of view? Do you encourage such dialog or shut it down? If you have surrounded yourself with all “yes men” and don’t have a person close to you that sometimes causes trouble, and has a different point of view then yours, you don’t feel comfortable with real honesty and you hurt your own growth.

Jerry is never going to change. The character defects have been reinforced for years and to be honest, Jerry likes it just the way it is with everyone too scared to be real with him.

How about you?

( click here to read an earlier post I wrote after reading that 85% of all project failures can be attributed to “organizational silence”)

Don’t buy a house and I’m coming back strong!

Published by June 24th, 2008 in Just Me

3 Comments »

Today I was told that my house won’t appraise for much more then the balance of my loan. That means to sell the house and get this monkey off my back I have to come up with around $4K – that I don’t have.

It will probably take a few years to completely recover from living off my credit cards these last few months. My credit card debt increased by $15K. The cards are now maxed!

I was curious so I did the math today. I added up all the money that went into this house to buy it and then subtracted what I would have paid for rent and the amount of tax savings I received. Not taking into account the $4K I need to sell the house, or all the stuff I am selling on craigslist for pennies on the dollar, I am out $16K for the last two years.

In the Rich Dad Poor Dad materials it is stated that a house is a liability. Everyone around you is going to tell you that right now is the time to buy. DON’T DO IT! A house is a huge liability and it is not an asset! The employment culture of today is only secure to those who accept that it is unstable and plan for the next move. Don’t get me wrong. I step into each position believing it will last forever, but I won’t ever take a hit like I have here in STL ever again!

This has nothing to do with faith, words, positive thinking or giving. Last year alone I gave away 20% of my income. I believed for the best and fought hard spiritually and personally to make a horrible situation turn around, yet sometimes as the bumper sticker says “it” happens! No matter what you are taught God is not magic and there is no formula to be blessed and circumvent crisis.

When I moved to STL I had $6K in the bank. I had some credit card debt but I was actively chipping away at it. Now, things got so bad two months ago I applied for food stamps. Very humbling! Because I am single it was the only GR I could qualify for. I ended up taking a minimum wage job at Macy’s, yet, even though it hardly paid for the gas to drive there, it gave me something to do. Lord knows I aggressively sought employment and after this move I will take some time and blog about what I have learned. A blog is a good time capsule and the posts I made 6 months ago were just a little whacked. I now have a whole new understanding.

The good news is I am FINALLY seeing a change in the situation. This has been the longest ongoing crisis in my life. One hit after another. Most of the time the hits came when I was away from work which caused me to work more. I literally was in fear of what would happen when I take time off. It was insane. Of course, there are several more hurtles. Isn’t there always? The moving company attached a 19% fuel surcharge which eats my entire relocation budget. Now the gas and hotel I pay for. Again with money I don’t have. The house MUST sell. If it does not I am tanked!

Ok, why am I posting this? Because I am like in a crazy good mood. The house, the money, the stuff – I can always get that back. As I found out by accident the #1 search word that people type in and find hn.com is the word breathalyzer. They land on a post I wrote about the “capacity to be honest” which could not be more perfect. If a person is trying to figure out how to beat a drug test they are not being honest with themselves. Truthfully, the biggest problem I see with people is most of us don’t want to hear the real truth. But that is another post! The capacity to be honest post has even more significance. It was the first time I openly shared about AA and shortly after the church leadership chastised the 12 Steps four times in one meeting. That showed me that my blog was being read and that I could no longer be honest. And yes, it took away my passion for this blog. Repression can do that. Over the years I have seen church leadership be open to AA, and closed to AA. Usually the ones closed to AA have never been to a meeting so they have never shared the unconditional love. Let’s face it; church sometimes makes me want to drink. AA helps me stay sober. There is also a saying. If you want to hear about God go listen to a preacher. If you want to see God in action go to AA and watch one drunk helping another stay clean.

Also, one thing I noticed up unto that point. The more real I got, the more personal I became, the more vulnerable I was, the more you responded. For many of the posts when I started to be vulnerable, capacity to be honest included, I received emails from strangers thanking me. So what’s my point already? Right now I would bet there are lots of people out of work and losing their house. I just felt that if I share about it, the real truth of the situation, that someone out there could relate and maybe, just maybe they would find some hope in this post. Because there is one thing I can guarantee you. even though the challenges of the last 18 months have been exceptionally taxing and came close to destroying me – I am not only going to survive this – I am coming back swinging.

Chase me!

Feel sorry for us we’re poor ministers and deserve a discount.

Published by June 21st, 2008 in Uncategorized

4 Comments »

I am having a fire sale on craigslist and one email I received attempted to manipulate the price by stating he was a campus pastor. Basically he was implying that I should feel sorry for the vocation he selected and give him a break. After all ministers don’t have money, right?

Well I called him on it. And to be honest, I have tried to play this card myself a few times. If you are in ministry chances are so have you.

I believe years ago it was even listed on license plates and clergy were given special treatment. Times have changed and even though many of the old school leaders want to bring the respect and protocol back, it is not going to happen. Actually I somewhat agree it should come back yet talking down to people will never bring respect back. I have seen firsthand a pastor alienate people by chastising them for not having military like protocol when addressing him. Some real truth for you. People don’t respect ministers and chastising them won’t bring that respect back. It just separates you more. We are in a new era and the religious and rigid views of yesteryear are long gone. Right or wrong they are gone forever!

This is where we are today. A few years back I was in a coffee house in Hollywood with a pastor friend of mine. A guy asked him what he did for a living. My friend gladly said he is a pastor thinking this is going to open a door. The guy then responded “so you like little boys?”

It is not the peoples fault. It is ours. We created this. The office of clergy, or reverend, or pastor, or bishop, or whatever title you want to give yourself, is no longer respected. And can you blame people?

I am not referring to the major highly publicized immoral failures. I am talking about how as Christians we are known to be cheap. Just ask any wait staff and they’ll tell you we’re horrible tippers. Plus, we try and manipulate people in the hopes of getting a reduced rate on a sale. There is more, you fill in the blank. We are jerks, liars, cheats, manipulators, and freaks!

10 years ago I was riding in the passenger seat of a brand new SUV crawling down Sunset Blvd. The driver was the son of one of the most famous pastors of our time. It was a nice day and we had the windows down just moving slowly in “parking lot” LA traffic. All of a sudden a LAPD motorcycle officer was parked on the side of the road only a few feet from my door. We were fast approaching and neither of us had our seat belts on. The cop was looking right at us so it would have been too obvious to quickly buckle up, so I simply opted to smile and say “hello officer”. “Hello”, he returned and followed with “pullover”, which we did. Now at the time I really was a poor minister. My income was $25 a week. The driver, son of a very famous high profile celebrity pastor, tried to talk his way out of the ticket by telling the officer how we feed the homeless and do the work of the Lord. That we don’t have much money because ministers that follow Jesus are poor. With registration in hand the officer asked if this was a new SUV. The driver said yes. The officer handed him the ticket and walked away. Of course, I honestly did not have the money for a $200 ticket and I had to go to court to request community service. If you have never enjoyed the LA court system or community services it is a treat.

(more…)

Bless me or bless you?

Published by June 20th, 2008 in Change, Character, Community, Homeless, Just Me, Leadership, Learning, Life's Lessons, Managment, My Big Mouth, Outreach

2 Comments »

For the last 5 years I have worked in churches that were 75% focused on “bless me bless me” instead of blessing others. It was not until I needed help because I did not have money or food that I consciously saw the fallout from that style of ministry. When people focus on becoming a millionaire their hearts change. When leadership’s primary teaching is about receiving instead of giving, even though helping others is mentioned, giving unselfishly never becomes a priority or a lifestyle. A generous heart cannot grow when a person is constantly praying to receive.

A short time ago I had to apply for food stamps. Very humbling to say the least! At one point I was down to 3 cans of tuna. I found there are some very unselfish and genuine people in the world and I am in awe of the sacrifice they made to help me out. But none of those people attend a “bless me” church.

I say all that not to criticize the “bless me” churches, but to slap myself in the face! Thank goodness my original Christian foundation came from an outreach focused church because I continue to always put others before me, yet I am not proud of what I did or who I became these last several years. I compromised what I know to be right in so many ways.

Last week a couple handed me a large envelope of cash. The week before someone filled my fridge and another person paid my mortgage. When I told my best friend he said “God blessed you” yet I disagree! God does not bless with a new car or a fat check. God blesses with challenges that help you grow. We are confused. We all run around seeking “blessings” from God that are for the most part material stuff we’ll end up selling on craigslist. The new car only blesses for a short time as you show off to your neighbors. We are being trained to be selfish “bless me bless me” so we perceive, for the most part, that the only blessings from God are material or financial.

In my adult life the biggest blessings I have ever received where 1) homelessness 2) divorce 3) unexpected unemployment. Why would I say that? Because in each situation I grew to be a better person – I was truly blessed!

What I really wanted to say!

Published by June 20th, 2008 in Change, Character, Community, Customer Service, Just Me, Leadership, Learning, Life's Lessons, Managment, My Big Mouth

2 Comments »

Ahhh the feeling of freedom after being repressed.

For some time I was not allowed to be myself. To be completely honest I was employed at a place where people are not allowed to be honest and have to say things like “we are receiving our healing” instead of saying “I am sick” or “I have a cold”. Although I completely agree with positive thinking this type of environment is far from positive. People are scared to be real and it encourages people to be superficial. Even though the assumed intent is to create a positive workplace it actually produces the opposite since honestly is repressed!

When I wrote this post what I really wanted to say is:

If the local drycleaner cares more about people, genuinely cares more about people then the local church – there is something seriously wrong with the church!

Shunning is horrible

Published by June 17th, 2008 in Change, Character, Just Me, Leadership, Learning, Life's Lessons, Managment, Ministry, My Big Mouth

No Comments »

Shunning is not of God. It is a form of manipulation and it is wrong. Usually people who shun others justify their actions with rationalization. “We’ll allow God to work” is one. Truth is by shunning you are limiting God by only allowing one solution to an issue. Just maybe God wants to teach a person how to have healthy confrontation and to communicate openly and honestly. Another reason people shun is to avoid confrontation. It is easier to avoid then to deal with an issue or person.

If you are a leader in an organization that shuns people – stop it! It is wrong. Learn to have healthy communication with people.

If you are an employee in an organization that shuns people – run away as fast as you can!

If you are a member of an organization that shuns people – leave immediately!