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Non-compete in ministry

Published

hardlynormal

on August 5, 2008

in Change, Church, Leadership, Managment and My Big Mouth

. 1 Comment

First I have to come right out and say I only have myself to blame for being bit by a non- compete since I was the one who suggested to the church leadership were I was employed that it should be implemented.

I WAS WRONG!

If ministry is truly about building the Body of Christ it should not matter if an employee’s talents are used at the church down the road. A church leadership that implements a non-compete is 100% thinking about their own growth and not God’s people. It is a selfish action based on fear.

I have also seen church leadership carefully select who in the organization is asked to sign a non-compete agreement. If your co-workers are being asked to sign a non-compete and you are not asked it is an indication that leadership wants you to leave. This should be common sense. Leadership values the people it is concerned will leave and/or leave to help a nearby church grow and therefore requires a non-compete. One purposes of such an agreement is a scare tactic to get a valued employee to stick around. For those employees leadership does not value and actually wants to leave a non-compete may prolong their exit.

Employers rely on fear to get you to sign, and ignorance that you won’t check the laws in your state to see if a non-compete is enforceable. Some employers know, but don’t care, that their non-compete agreements are not enforceable. Each state has different labor laws and you need to do a little research before you sign anything! A non-compete is binding only if it’s reasonable in scope and necessary to protect the company’s interests. For example, it might be enforceable if it restricts you from working for a competitor for six months within a 25-mile radius, but not beyond that scope or if you can prove it will seriously impact your right to make a living. Remember – that state you live in wants you to be employed!

You should also be compensated for signing a non-compete. If you’re a new-hire at the time your employer asks you to sign, then employment alone might be compensation enough, at least for a court. But if you’ve already worked there for awhile and your employer doesn’t offer you an incentive to sign it, other than termination if you don’t, then a court might be on your side if you refused to sign and your employer retaliated.

The bottom line is this. Even though an employer gives a healthy Christmas bonus it still does not mean they don’t abuse employees with covert employment policies such as shunning. It is not right for any company or organization to abuse their workers and the church must elevate above all this mess and lead by example. This week I had several conversations with people who were deeply hurt by the ministry they worked for. These people are not victims because they worked through the hurt and continue to work for God. Telling the truth does not make you a victim, staying down does and without the truth people will continue to abuse people.

A preacher will stand behind the pulpit and claim we are not of the world, yet have their HR department implement a non-compete agreement. Please take a long hard honest look at yourself. Are the actions you are taking today motivated to help people, truly help ALL people, or just to keep you in control of the kingdom you created?

Please forgive the duplicate but I felt the following statement needed to be repeated:

Belonging before believing

Published

hardlynormal

on August 3, 2008

in Church, Leadership and My Big Mouth

. 1 Comment

I hate Home Depot. I squirm every time I have to go there because I feel uncomfortable. I am not a handyman, and even though I do enjoy hard manual labor, I don’t have a clue about drywall, tools, paint, nails, hardware, or any of that home improvement stuff. Even if the sales person is nice I avoid them because I don’t speak the language.

I am going to be point blank honest here. If I was new to Christianity and walked into either of the last two churches I worked for I would not feel comfortable enough to want to “join the club”. Oh, I may have raised my hand near the end, filled out a salvation card because of peer pressure, I may even go down front and have an emotional release with tears running down my face. But my life would not have changed. I bet this is the case for most people although there are a small few that get “saved” and stick around a month, maybe more, which leadership uses as validation. A few people actually win the lottery every week , too.

Pastor Tommy and Matthew Barnett and all the staff at the Dream Center have loved me just the way I was, or am! They NEVER tried to change me or to have me conform to their way, they just loved me. Seriously, when I had 10 pieces of metal in my face, a mohawk and a 6′ iguana around my neck they loved me. When I wear a suit they love me. When I smoked cigarettes they loved me. Once, Pastor Matthew caught me off guard as I inhaled a cigarette. He put his arms around me and started to pray for me. I held my breath as long as I could and I eventually exhaled smoke right into his face as he was praying. He never said a word about it.

Today I didn’t carry a bible to church. Last Thursday I did. Same church and I felt comfortable either way. One church made me not only carry a bible but it had to be a certain kind of bible. Another church when I started to use my PDA as a bible I was chastised (the future is coming people, print bibles will be a thing of the past before you know it). What does it matter if you have a bible or not? Come on wake up! As an unchurched person I didn’t carry a bible. Walking into a church where having a bible is MANDITORY it would make me feel uncomfortable. It would make ANYONE who does not have a relationship with Jesus feel uncomfortable. Tell me, does holding a bible make me a better Christian? Please know I agree with carrying a bible but I don’t agree with making people feel uncomfortable if they don’t, or trying to control people to your ways!

I got on the subject about Windsor Crossing with a few friends who I love and respect. Windsor Crossing is a gorgeous church that has a sincere outreach focus and is one of the fastest growing ministries in the St Louis area. My friends said they went but the reason they didn’t like it is because people didn’t carry their bibles. HUH? I went there several times and I carried a bible. Some people did, and some didn’t, and that was not a big deal. The big deal was how Windsor effectively created community. I felt very comfortable there and that is probably the reason for their growth. As an unbeliever it would be easy for me to find friends and more importantly spiritual and emotional healing at Windsor. I felt welcomed and loved just the way I was.

A few months back I happened to witness one of the most horrifying situations I have ever seen in my 15 years of fulltime ministry. A homeless man went to the altar, but he was followed by armed police with handcuffs drawn. Street people by nature are very aware of everything that happens around them. I guarantee you this homeless man on his knees at the altar did not feel comfortable with police poised ready to pounce on him. As horrific as what that man must have been feeling it is not as bad as the impression that was given to the church, and especially people visiting. You may give toothpaste and water to homeless on the weekends but in your own” living room” clearly they are not welcomed. Ironically it is not the homeless population that presents a security risk. All the shootings that have happened in recent years the people looked like normal folk. Having security show such force over one homeless man at an altar is ignorant and shows the real heart of the church. Maybe not the pastor’s but the church he created and maintains. Sadly even though members of the church and many staff were very disturbed by police showing such an unnecessary show of force no one would voice their concerns to leadership. Nothing changed and the next person who looks a little unkempt most likely will be “greeted” the same way.

Is your church environment REALLY welcoming to the unbeliever? As Pastor Tommy and Matthew Barnett often say “if you don’t have a few beer cans and cigarette butts in front of your church you have a country club”. Of course, not all unchurched smoke and drink, the point is unless you allow people to be themselves chances are they won’t stick around long enough to have Jesus stick to their spirit.

Pastor Tommy is my hero. He loves everyone and loves them right where they are at. Because he and everyone else at the Dream Center has never tried to change me, or control me in anyway, I was made to feel like I belong, and now I believe.

Services at Angelus Temple/Dream Center are not for everyone meaning you may not like the music or the lights, but everyone no matter who you are or where you came from is made to feel welcome - and that makes all the difference.

People pay me to help their churches grow. I can tell you what a first time visitor thinks on the first visit and what questions they ask after 6 months. I can tell you when to call, what to write and how to train your greeters to go deeper. But the key to church growth is really none of that crap. Love on people with a sincere heart, don’t try and change anyone allowing everyone to be themselves, and create a healthy environment where people can feel like they belong. Then step back and let God do the rest!

The Lord said “I didn’t say that”

Published

hardlynormal

on August 1, 2008

in Blogs, Change, Church, Leadership, Ministry and My Big Mouth

. 1 Comment

This week I happened to have one of the most amazing experiences of my Christian walk. So amazing it might be considered a miracle. It was to me!

My boss held a “debrief” meeting to openly and honestly address a few concerns employees had about an all staff meeting held a few weeks earlier. In ministry, that alone was amazing because open and honest communication is often suppressed. As the meeting started we all got on the subject of saying “The Lord said…” and my boss, who was leading this meeting, said something like “we won’t have any, ‘and God said’, because when you say, ‘and God said’, how can you argue? God said it and that is that. We want truth and not manipulation.”

WHAT! No lightening? No locust? No one was fired for saying something that was straightforward and real?

As a team we then went on to discuss how the older generation of Christian leaders use “and the Lord said” as a form of manipulation. These are not bad people, they just don’t know any better. It is how they were taught because their leaders did the same thing. Chances are, God didn’t say anything and they are simply speaking their own personal wants. By adding “God said” it has to be God since he/she is a pastor, right? So you do it, believe it, swallow it, and the only thing God said is, “I didn’t say that”.

Too me, that is using the Lords name in vain. Yupper our grandmothers all used that scripture to keep us from swearing, but let’s be real. God’s name is used far too often for stuff He had nothing to do with, and mostly by pastors and their wives!

We also talked about how voicing a difference of option is NOT a rebellious spirit. And if anyone tells you it is a rebellious spirit they are trying to manipulate you. WHAT! Are you kidding me? How can that be? Question the man of God? That is what we are taught so we keep quiet and the church remains sick.

Many of you who are regular readers of hn.com (I can recommend a good clinical physiologist) know I have been writing about how the “old school” style of authoritarian leadership in the church MUST change, and is changing because of the internet. In posts like It’s too late for Jerry but is it too late for the church? I write about the lack of self-awareness and in A marketplace flop - how do you deal with failure? I write about what happens when organizations are not honest. Pretty much you can find that theme evolving throughout this blog, but for the most part it was my gut.

This last week I had a conversation with one of the most brilliant leaders nowadays who is literally influencing positive change throughout the Body of Christ. We were on the topic of how toxic leaders in the church world suppress honesty because they would have to face the false reality they have created. A reality that keeps them in an “ivory tower”, and keeps their church from truly being effective. Worse yet, these church leaders have a horrible effect on the views of the unchurched.

As we talked further and I continued to get more and more thrilled, without any prior communication my gut feelings were being echoed. We touched on the subject of change and how the internet finally gave suppressed believers a vehicle to speak open and honestly. Church leaders could no longer manipulate us into silence, and that not only is a good thing - it is a God thing!

I have to honestly say I am once again in awe of what God has done for me. I believe in the church yet after working the last 5 years in fulltime ministries that suppress the truth and refuse to see realty I was starting to give up hope. God has placed me in an organization that allows open communication and is on the forefront of change for thousands of churches, and a local church where loving people is not a pretense and much more than a tagline.

Leaders, if you don’t allow your people to speak openly and honestly you are closing yourself off to reality. If you only allow your opinion chances are you are a toxic leader and you hinder your own personal growth, and your own minsitries growth. You cannot control people’s thoughts so you might as well know what they are thinking. Open communication is healthy and it will lead to healthy change. Yes, there may be conflict but by running from conflict you are causing more harm than good. Only by working through conflit can we find real love.

If you are an employee or volunteer in an organization that does not allow open communication, and you have respectfully tried to influence change in a positive way to no avail - leave! The organization is not growing in a healthy direction and in time you too will become unhealthy. It is ok the leave. It is not a sin no matter what you are taught. You will be better off in a ministry where God can use your gifts and talents than remaining with a supressive leadership that is more concerned about control than doing what is right and truly being effective.

How can we encourage healthy change and healthy communication in everything we do?

WARNING – these videos will mess you up

Published

hardlynormal

on July 26, 2008

in Homeless and My Big Mouth

. 0 Comments

This week I keep getting slapped in the face. I was asked to share my story at AT/DC the other night and as I started to reflect about everything I was just slammed with the seriousness of homelessness, what God has done for me and how very lucky I am to have gotten off the streets and still be able to formulate a sentence.

Yesterday a co-worker asked me to help a friend who was trying to help a homeless person. As I was doing a little research I found these videos and I have been messed up ever since. Yesterday driving home from work and then to and from church each homeless person I saw, and there are many, I could literally feel their pain.

As a TV producer and a fundraiser I feel these videos are excellent. As a person who once lived homeless on the streets of Los Angeles these videos do a very good job of capturing the seriousness of the situation. I hope you take the time to watch more than one, and my prayer is that you will be motivated into action. At the very least please share a link to this post with a friend. You may be a long way from LA yet homelessness will affect you and your neighborhood very soon.

*** there are a very small number of “colorful” words in a few of these videos. If they stop you from viewing, or if you are more offended by such language than the issues facing our nation’s poor, go read a nice and fluffy blog because this ain’t one!

Skid Row Part 1: Introduction

Skid Row Part 2: Kids

Skid Row Part 3: Drugs

Skid Row Part 4: God

Skid Row Part 5: Afterword

Great post - Receiving Honor vs. Requiring it!

Published

hardlynormal

on July 21, 2008

in My Big Mouth

. 3 Comments

As I read this great post Receiving Honor vs. Requiring by Ben Arment I was reminded of a story an usher once told me. Between services another usher went up to a pastor to encourage him in his own way and said “pastor, you must have drank Red Bull this morning! Your sermon was awesome”. The pastor then intimated the usher up against the wall chastising him harshly for using the wrong protocol to address a “Man of God! “. I believe in the pastors mind he was correcting (what he felt to be) a mistake yet in reality he was creating separation.

One ministry staff member told me he was passing a pastor in the hall and casually said “hey pastor”. This staff member was then severely chastised for a lengthy period of time just like the usher.

Funny, these are the stories told of this man to people on the outside!

True honor can only be earned. Disciplining someone for not addressing you the way YOU want them to address you causes a loss of respect and separation - not honor or attraction!

Right message yet wrong application!

Published

hardlynormal

on July 20, 2008

in My Big Mouth

. 0 Comments

Supporting breast cancer research is a great cause yet putting their message on a porta-potty? I don’t think I need to go into the obvious here - yet, in ministry it happens far too often!
Thanks to my friend A-Dizzle for the awesome pic. It is not every day that you find a young attractive female volunteering to pose next to a portable toilet. She is the best!

Visitor feedback idea and truthful feedback

Published

hardlynormal

on July 19, 2008

in My Big Mouth

. 0 Comments

I just received a feedback survey from the moving company I used. The form included great simple questions covering all aspects of our relationship. While reading the form I had a thought – why not include a feedback survey along with a postage paid envelope to all your first, second and third time visitors?

Please let me share with you a little truth. The feedback you receive in person at your Guest Center is false. The feedback you receive in the lobby as you are shaking hands is false. This is NOT my opinion as this truth is well documented. It also makes sense. People will NOT be honest to your face yet will be honest over the phone and via the mail or internet. Of course, because feeding our ego is far more important than effective growth many church leaders take the feedback a person gives and shares it in staff meetings as a testimony. Funny, the person who was visiting does not seem to be around these days so that “testimony” may not have been the real truth. Yet this continues and continues!

Let’s chase a squirrel here! Because my primary background is TV I laugh out loud when a TV minister comes back with a testimony saying that he/she met some person who recognized them and declared “I watch you all the time”. I am sure occasionally that statement is true yet a very high percentage of the time it is a lie! It is not that the person is bad. It is how people react to television celebrities (yes a TV minister to the public is perceived as a celebrity). If the TV show is on regularly than just by the law of averages the “talent” or pastor was seen by everyone at least once. Now when they run into David Letterman, or Jay Leno, or Joyce Meyer, or Rod Parsley - even if they have not watched their show in years they will say that they are regular viewers. For your low-end TV ministry who is in a smaller market (and does not develop a strategy or give resources to help the show grow) one only has to look at the ratings to see this “in the flesh” feedback is not correct. If everyone says they watch you all the time why are you only getting 5-10 calls? Hmmmm? And your ratings say that less than 200 people watched (many of those are members of your church) so how can everyone be watching?

So why not ask your viewers to send in an email or go to the internet to fill out a form to get some real honest feedback? So why not send a nicely crafted feedback form along with a visitor letter?

The ONLY reason you won’t do it is because you are scared of the truth. Finding out what the community honestly thinks of your organization may cause you to breakdown the unhealthy paradigms you have created. Again, is being in control more important than allowing God to work through honest feedback so your organization can make a difference in people’s lives? A real difference?

Read the post before this and click on both the links. The Lost Soul one is still rocking my world!

Two great posts

Published

hardlynormal

on July 18, 2008

in My Big Mouth

. 0 Comments

Right now I am still unpacking boxes so I don’t have a lot of time to post. Being back in LA there is so much to do and so many people I want to connect with that I am TRYING to hurry. That said, I also now am getting back into some of my old habits like daily blog reading. The two following posts jumped out at me

An Apple Guy Remakes Microsoft

All of Tim’s thoughts are awesome yet this is spot on:

Rather than tell your staff or leaders that they must attend a service or have to be in a small group, how about make it so compelling that they won’t stay away?

Hmmmm, very interesting! I didn’t think of it until now, but if you are forcing your staff to go to services maybe there is something wrong with your services. God does not force us into church. I’ll stop there! Take the time and read Tim’s post. It really is very good as usual.

Lost Souls

Wow! I don’t know what to say about Vince Antonucci’s post. He references the closing of an Oregon State Hospital where “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” was filmed. They found the cremated remains of 3,600 mental patients in copper cans. Like I said, these posts jumped out at me.

How did I miss this?

Published

hardlynormal

on July 16, 2008

in My Big Mouth

. 0 Comments

As I unpack my life and try to fit a square peg into a round hole at least I am being entertained by Jimmy Kimmel Live’s musical guest for tonight as they sound check outside only a few yards away. If you want quiet don’t move to Hollywood!

Phil sent out a newsletter today and one of the posts jumped out at me. Real Leaders Don’t Expect A Free Pass. I don’t know how I missed it! I dare you to read his post and the comments. As I was creating the hyperlink one comment jumped out at me:

Leaders who have to rely on position and power for compliance from their followers are one bad decision away from becoming toxic leaders …..

Thanks Bart. The term toxic leader is not only a good band name it stuck in my database!

Does anyone see a pattern here? I could list pages upon pages of similar posts on multiple blogs, yet I really have to get my life out of a box so I can go back to enjoying LA. The church is changing. Yes, the change is slow but because of the internet authoritarian or toxic leaders can no longer manipulate people to be silent.

Wake up church! We are not effective and we are not growing. We are hemorrhaging good people like crazy. We are lying to ourselves and we refuse to be self-aware. We are turning people off to a real relationship with Christ because we are so set on pushing a personal agenda. Is it better to do it your way or is it better to have an opened spirit and grow into what God wants for your life and your ministry? The more we white-knuckle the control the less God can work through us. His way or your way?

The explanation “we are building the church God’s way” is a rationalization to protect oneself from having to change. Real change and healthy honest communication would only expose the truth so we build toxic empires to hide our insecurities. Until those masks are destroyed and the church in reality becomes transparent and vulnerable we will not be able to do what we are called to do.

Some thoughts on control

Published

hardlynormal

on July 14, 2008

in My Big Mouth

. 0 Comments

Since God allows us our own freewill including independent thoughts why do (some) pastors try and control us?

Questioning is not rebellion! Questioning is a healthy sign of real spiritual growth. Following blindly is not a sign of spiritual growth. Here is an excerpt from a book written by M Scott Peck “The Different Drum” as he describes in his view the second stage of spiritual growth.

Formal, Institutional, Fundamental. Beginning the work of submitting themselves to principle-the law, but they do not yet understand the spirit of the law, consequently they are legalistic, parochial, and dogmatic. They are threatened by anyone who thinks differently from them, as they have the “truth,” and so regard it as their responsibility to convert or save the other 90 or 99 percent of humanity who are not “true believers.” They are religious for clear cut answers, with the security of a big daddy God and organization, to escape their fear of living in the mystery of life, the mystery of uncertainty in the ever moving and expanding unknown. Instead they choose the formulations, the stagnation of prescribed methods and doctrines that spell out life and attempt to escape fear. Yet these theological reasonings simply cover over fear, hide fear and do not transcend it in spite of with acceptance in expanding movement. All those outside of Stage II are perceived to be as Stage I, as they do not understand Stage III and Stage IV. Those who do fall, reverting from Stage II to Stage I are called “backsliders.”

There is a Jerry Falwell, Jimmy Swaggart, Benny Hinn, Pat Robertson, mentality (one-sided thinking - ignorance that produces hostility) in every religion, the one-sidedness, in every ideology. Christianity cannot be condemned as responsible for the fundamentalists who claim to represent such. One just has to look at Mother Teresa or Martin Luther King, Jr. to see the opposite of such thinking. You can find the Falwell in Hinduism, Judaism, Buddhism, Jainism, Mohammedism and of course Christianity. That is the narrow one-sided exclusiveness that limits insight to one set of rules and one objective truth, under the literal logic or rationialism, that fails to apprehend the unseen intuitive essence of existence and ignorantly labels outsiders as misled sinners, while surrounding themselves with interior neurotic and finite walls of security and certainty. All is safe in this illusion, but all is not just, nor fair, and does not transcend prejudice that surpasses tribal identity, an identity that must be scrapped in order to bring higher consciousness of planetary cultural peace and love based on principle with intuitive insight.

I don’t believe church leaders are even aware of their own actions. This need for control has been passed down. Many use scripture to manipulate people to follow in blind obedience. But it is not of God. If the leader is truly ordained of God and is following God then he/she will have the courage and the wisdom to let people be themselves! If their leadership is of God then they should be secure enough to allow a difference of thought including questioning of everything. Not in a disrespectful way. But in an open and loving embrace of healthy communication

Rule out of love and not fear or manipulation.

Another thought is we create this. We want people to control us. Especially a pastor because then we can say we are following God through him. It takes all the responsibility of the challenges in life off from us and puts it on the leader. I know I fell into this trap. I was blind and I helped create my own reality. I was allowing a pastor to control every aspect of my life. Private, professional and personal! I literally sought approval for everything and looking back that is scary. Jim Jones scary!

Life is hard and making the choices in life that we all have to make in order to navigate from challenge to challenge is difficult. Many of us look for an escape by allowing another person to dominate us. To make the difficult choices for us. It could be your spouse, your roommate, a teacher, your boss and very often your pastor. Next time you complain about someone being a control freak realize the only way they control us is if we let them. Plus, maybe you played a conscious or unconscious role in creating that reality. The power of change is in everyone’s reach and the easiest way to start is by asking real questions. The ones you think but cannot say openly in a meeting. Those questions!

I guess I am going to have to start believing in the Tooth Fairy because I literally witnessed something today that was remarkable. In a prayer meeting a staff member openly voiced a few questions about the handling of an issue and the issue itself. My heart stopped because I am so used to working in a ministry environment of oppression and repression it scared me. To my shock and delight leadership encouraged the conversation. It was so refreshing to witness healthy