Archive for the 'Life's Lessons' Category

Bless me or bless you?

For the last 5 years I have worked in churches that were 75% focused on “bless me bless me” instead of blessing others. It was not until I needed help because I did not have money or food that I consciously saw the fallout from that style of ministry. When people focus on becoming a millionaire their hearts change. When leadership’s primary teaching is about receiving instead of giving, even though helping others is mentioned, giving unselfishly never becomes a priority or a lifestyle. A generous heart cannot grow when a person is constantly praying to receive. 

A short time ago I had to apply for food stamps. Very humbling to say the least! At one point I was down to 3 cans of tuna. I found there are some very unselfish and genuine people in the world and I am in awe of the sacrifice they made to help me out. But none of those people attend a “bless me” church.

I say all that not to criticize the “bless me” churches, but to slap myself in the face! Thank goodness my original Christian foundation came from an outreach focused church because I continue to always put others before me, yet I am not proud of what I did or who I became these last several years. I compromised what I know to be right in so many ways.

Last week a couple handed me a large envelope of cash.  The week before someone filled my fridge and another person paid my mortgage. When I told my best friend he said “God blessed you” yet I disagree! God does not bless with a new car or a fat check. God blesses with challenges that help you grow. We are confused. We all run around seeking “blessings” from God that are for the most part material stuff we’ll end up selling on craigslist. The new car only blesses for a short time as you show off to your neighbors. We are being trained to be selfish “bless me bless me” so we perceive, for the most part, that the only blessings from God are material or financial.

In my adult life the biggest blessings I have ever received where 1) homelessness 2) divorce 3) unexpected unemployment. Why would I say that? Because in each situation I grew to be a better person - I was truly blessed!

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What I really wanted to say!

Ahhh the feeling of freedom after being repressed. 

For some time I was not allowed to be myself. To be completely honest I was employed at a place where people are not allowed to be honest and have to say things like “we are receiving our healing” instead of saying “I am sick” or “I have a cold”. Although I completely agree with positive thinking this type of environment is far from positive. People are scared to be real and it encourages people to be superficial. Even though the assumed intent is to create a positive workplace it actually produces the opposite since honestly is repressed!

When I wrote this post what I really wanted to say is:

If the local drycleaner cares more about people, genuinely cares more about people then the local church - there is something seriously wrong with the church!

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Shunning is horrible

Shunning is not of God. It is a form of manipulation and it is wrong. Usually people who shun others justify their actions with rationalization. “We’ll allow God to work” is one.  Truth is by shunning you are limiting God by only allowing one solution to an issue. Just maybe God wants to teach a person how to have healthy confrontation and to communicate openly and honestly. Another reason people shun is to avoid confrontation.  It is easier to avoid then to deal with an issue or person.

If you are a leader in an organization that shuns people – stop it! It is wrong. Learn to have healthy communication with people.

If you are an employee in an organization that shuns people – run away as fast as you can!

If you are a member of an organization that shuns people – leave immediately!

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Whatever God!

As I was driving to Nashville in a crazy snow storm to speak at NRB I received a devastating phone call. Well, it should have been devastating since I was being delivered some very bad news.

For about the last 10 months I have been through hell. I have been beat down to where there is absolutely no fight left in me. Everything that has happened, all the misunderstandings and whacked perceptions are so weird I cannot even explain it.  The end result is I am now back in extreme debt and I am very close to losing everything – again!

When I was homeless I had nothing to lose. The stress this time is insane and I would be lying if I didn’t admit that the fear sometimes is almost paralyzing.  I don’t dwell on the fear and I always do my best to stay positive, but sometimes it just slaps me in the face.

Now here is what is interesting (at least to me).  As I was driving through that snow storm this past Friday, and hung up the phone after receiving very bad news, I said out loud, “whatever God” with a smile on my face. I had peace about my situation. It was as if I completely surrendered and raised the white flag. 

The National Religious Broadcasters Convention, I thought, would be all business. I never expected to get anything spiritual from the event. I was wrong! Saturday morning a friend talked me into going to hear Phil Vischer speak. Phil is the original creator of Veggie Tales and to be honest, talking vegetables have never done anything for me. I would have never gone to hear Phil without some coaching.

It was amazing and just what I needed to hear.  Phil had everything and then lost everything yet God continues to do an amazing work in his life. There was a God purpose in everything! He has now started Jelly Fish Labs. The name alone is worth going to the session. A jellyfish cannot completely control where it moves. Phil’s talk is encouraging and spiritually enlightening and I highly recommend you buy the CD. RB-S01 Reach Keynote Session - Phil Vischer.

While driving I also listened to a leadership series by Andy Stanley that is probably some of the best teachings I have ever heard.  If you are going to only buy one teaching series in 08 make it this one! It will change your life. Buy it for your pastor, leaders and friends. The church is changing. Leadership is changing! Everyone needs to hear this: The Best of Catalyst – Andy Stanley Buy this teaching and share!

I don’t know what is going to happen in my life. God has stripped me of everything before so I would pay attention and let Him drive. I don’t know if that is the case here, but this last week, in the face of severe darkness, I was blanketed with a peace that could have only come from God.

Whatever God, although scary, is a very good place to be!

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I am headed to Nashville.

I am speaking again at NRB this year. It really is an honor (and a miracle) that anyone would ask me to open my mouth. I get a daily quote from Carl’s Quote of the Day and here is the one for today:

The human brain is a wonderful thing.  It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
–George Jessel

I am not so much concerned about public speaking as I am about having to listen to country music everywhere. That will be torture.  Truthfully I am really excited because my life is about to drastically change in the next few days. Also I get to hang with some very cool people and catch up with old friends!

Phil wrote about NRB and you can read his post here

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People hate change - continued

This past Friday afternoon I had a business meeting and the people I went to LA with had to go fend for themselves.  Upon their return I asked them where they went. They responded Taco Bell! No, they were not kidding! Going to Taco Bell in the Echo Park area of Los Angeles is like going to Pizza Hut in Rome, Italy (if there is one).

Later that night we were looking for a place to eat and they all wanted a chain restaurant even mentioning Applebee’s. 

What is interesting is if you asked these people about change they would say they love change. The truth is most people don’t. We gravitate to what is familiar – always!

In producing Christian television almost yearly every pastor has asked for a new show open. They feel they are not being progressive if they don’t have change. Now, if there is a ministry or strategy change then YES change the show open. If not leave it. 60 Minutes has had the same clock open for over 20 years for a reason.  Secular shows DO NOT change their show formats or opens because they know we are creatures of familiarity.

Keep in mind when you change stuff you make people feel uncomfortable!

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I am normal after all - continued

Tony referenced a great article by Andy Stanley that EVERYONE should read. Oh my goodness, it’s titled Challenge the Process and it is so good I will post some (ok most) of it:

I think there’s something in every leader that yearns to try things in new ways, to test the status quo–to challenge the process. If you’re a leader, you’ve probably had similar experiences all your life. Leaders are constantly evaluating and critiquing the world around them.

When most people are moved by a message, we leaders are busy examining the structure of the presentation. Where the average person enjoys a great conference, we’re fixated on the methods that made it successful. There’s something in every leader that seeks to understand the process at work behind the scenes.

The rest of the world is quite the opposite. In fact, it’s human nature to gravitate toward the familiar. And left to themselves, virtually every person and organization is in a subconscious pursuit of the status quo. Eventually they will find it. And they will work very, very hard to stay there.

In a changing world, familiar is no measure of effectiveness. And the status quo is no benchmark for long-term achievement. That’s why the world needs leaders to venture boldly into the unfamiliar and to embrace the uncomfortable–because the best solutions are often found in unfamiliar, uncomfortable places.

The instinct to challenge the process is a fundamental quality of every leader. When God created leaders, he equipped them with an unsettling urge to unpack, undo and unearth methods. This explains your tendency to question everything around you.

It’s the reason you have such strong opinions–and such a strong desire to share them. God wired you that way. Deep in your heart you may feel that if you were in charge, things would not only be different, they’d also be better. This is not a problem of arrogance or pride. It’s simply the way God wired you. It’s a good thing.

Unfortunately, your zeal for improvement isn’t always appreciated out in the real world. As a matter of fact, your natural bent for leadership sets you up for resistance from virtually all sides–including other leaders.

And unless you understand the nature of these dynamics, the very instincts that qualify you for greatness can also lead you to disqualify yourself and sabotage your opportunities. Effective leadership means learning to challenge the process without challenging the organization. There’s a fine line between the two. But it’s a crucial line.

The first line of resistance the leader faces is the organization itself. As we’ve already mentioned, organizations don’t like new ideas. It’s enough of a challenge just figuring out the old ones. So the last thing an organization wants is someone suggesting that we need to start all over again with a different process. Your supervisors, advisers, elders, deacons and staff all feel pretty much the same way. Since human nature is to seek a place of equilibrium, change is seen as a disruption of progress.

The second line of resistance you face is from other leaders. You might think you’d find an advocate in this group. But, by nature, when you challenge a concept, you challenge the conceiver. You don’t mean it that way, but that can be how it’s often perceived.

Many talented leaders have “led” themselves right out of a job because their desire to challenge the process was misunderstood, or perhaps even threatening, to those in charge. While on the other side of the spectrum, many skilled leaders have resigned themselves to conform to the status quo, squelching and squashing their natural instincts because there’s no obvious opportunity to be who God made them to be.

As leaders, we must keep a sense of diplomacy without shrinking from our scrutinizing nature. When you stop challenging the process, you cease to be a leader and you become a manager.

I have been sitting here for several minutes in awe. I don’t really know what to say. This is such a great article. Thank you Tony for posting this. And thank you Andy Stanley! Thank you! 

I was at the Outreach Convention in San Diego this past November and I started to be convicted about something I was feeling and doing.  My wakeup call started when Pastor Craig Groeschel spoke. He told the story that starts in Mark chapter 2 where four men dug through a roof to get a disabled person to Jesus. Pastor Craig went on to ask “when was the last time you went through a roof to bring someone to Jesus?”

That really hurt me. Honestly it was a hard slap in the face. See, for the few months leading up to that trip, I was apologizing for being so zealous about doing ministry with excellence. I started to become passive, even allowing mistakes to happen just so I could fit in and keep the peace. I was actually starting to feel bad about the passion I have inside me.  It was a new and strange feeling to me because all of my life I have been rewarded for my passion and work ethic.  I was even starting to hate my gifts but now at least I have some understanding.

God did an amazing work in me. I don’t want to believe it was for me to simply step aside and become stagnant. I was the type of guy who would go through the roof and face any challenge to bring Jesus to people. That guy is coming back. I will never again feel bad that I am so passionate about ministry and excellence!

You can buy the entire Challenging the Process message plus 5 other great leadership messages on CD by clicking here or here! I just ordered mine and I cannot wait to hear the whole thing.

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Get it on tape

A pastor friend of mine just told me that he had a milk drinking contest in his Sunday night service last night. My natural response was to say awesome! He said it wasn’t.  A guy drank 2 ½ gallons of milk and went back to his seat and puked all over. He said it was nonstop! Brand new building with all new black cushion chairs! I then said “AWESOME” real excited several times and asked “did you get it on tape?”  They didn’t! He believes the cameras were kept on the stage the whole time.

Can you imagine the free publicity the church would have received if this had been caught on tape and published on YouTube?

Yes this is funny but it is also a good example. Lots of things happen in the crowd. Let’s say someone gets out of a wheelchair - you will want it on tape guaranteed! Even visiting guests that the pastor points out from the pulpit at some point you may want the broll. Usually a director is tucked away in a control room far away and may not be able to see all that is going on. It is important to train everyone in your media department to pay attention and stay flexible!In live taping there is no such thing as a second chance!

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Downsizing for freedom!

A very wise man once told me to never acquire more then will fit in a pickup truck. 

As I prepare to drastically downsize my life for a third time I am reminded that I am being penalized again for amassing too much stuff! It is really not the stuff but the choices I have made that is the cause. The choice to follow the paths of others instead of finding my own. The choice to do what everyone else is doing! The choice to play it safe by seeking security and not freedom!

It is how we are programmed. Buy a house! It is a great investment! It is a great tax break! Get more! Get more! God will bless you! Get more stuff! Heck, the church even plays an intricate part in this programming! If we don’t have a nice house, or a new car, we can’t be blessed! Can we?

Truth is a house is a liability – and a prison! It can take your freedom away! A new car is a liability – and a prison.  Credit Cards, clothes, toys, stuff – prison!

Serious change is coming and the LA Riots gave us a preview of the impending clash between rich and poor. Most if not all of the experts say in 8 to 10 years there will be no more middleclass! That is very scary unless you ALREADY have a few million is a Swiss Bank account! Most of us are in big trouble and the accumulation of stuff will just make it worse!

If you are a person who is ok with mediocrity chances are you might be able to live the white picket fence dream if you have already started on that path! Reality is, though, that if you are under 35 you will be changing careers every 2 – 3 years and over 35 every 5 – 8 years.  (read two great posts about job hopping here and here ) And if you are a “make things happen” type person you will change jobs often so you better prepare. The good news is at each jump life gets better! But if you truly want to be remarkable life is scary and filled with risks and uncertainty! Fight the fear – it is worth it!

If you are young, single, a couple with no kids or small child, assertive and really want more out of life - don’t buy a house. Don’t! Don’t! Don’t! I won’t say a word about today’s real-estate market except it is not going to get better anytime soon! It’s not!

Funny because I have been right here before!  I remember after first learning about existential psychology and existentialism sitting on a bench in Echo Park just laughing at the world of possibilities.  I could walk away from any path I was on and go create a whole new life. Wow! I daydreamed about what I really wanted to do with my life.  Each path that came out of my heart had freedom; the freedom to go after any dream I wanted! But like most of us I reverted back to my programming.

I don’t mean this to come across as Orwellian or negitive yet my point is we are missing the American Dream because society’s influence has changed the dream!  The American Dream was originally defined as having the opportunity and freedom that allows all citizens to achieve their goals in life through hard work and determination alone. Now to most people, and it was probably even changed by marketers, the dream is no more than the shallow pursuit of material possessions and doing the very best to fit in. We dream to only exist and that is not living!

I want more! I want to do more! But right now I feel like I am in prison. A prison I created because my choices were based on trying to establish security instead of trying to find freedom. I am not downsizing for financial reasons although with a recession around the corner having less will be very beneficial.  I am downsizing for freedom!

The whole point of this post is not to say one way is better than another. All I am trying to do is present a different outlook on what we believe to be normal. It is normal to go to school, get a job, get married, buy a house, have kids and live happily ever after. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that! Regrettably very soon that life will no longer exist! Our new business, economic, technical and social environments won’t allow it so we have to find a new normal! Today young people are still being influenced by dreams that will not work even in the very near future. Instead of being taught to buy a house, get a nice car with a nice car payment – they should be taught about financial freedom!

An F-150 would have been paid off years ago!!!

5 steps to taming materialism, from an accidental expert

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Listening to the unhappy customer

I finally did it! I switched my Yahoo! start page to a Google start page. I probably have had a Yahoo! start page for over 10 years. Every time they changed I adapted, but about a year ago they created a new start page with a square ad right in the middle. It is horrible.

I didn’t make this switch overnight.  I wrote to Yahoo! on several occasions. Also, I started a Google start page about 6 months ago and kept trying it out during that period.  I would probably still stick with a Yahoo page, but every time their cookie is deleted I have to go to their new layout and revert. There is no way around this and it is very frustrating. So, yesterday I switched.

Seth Godin in his book Free Prize Inside!: The Next Big Marketing Idea makes a great point that we need to listen to our unhappy customers:

People who are happy are your company’s worst enemy. Satisfied customers don’t complain. Satisfied customers pay on time.  Satisfied customers don’t bother the boss or the tech support people or the legal department.

This is a problem. It’s a problem because satisfied customers are unlikely to radically increase your sales. Satisfied customers are unlikely to push you and your colleagues to stay ahead of the competition. One day, in fact, the competition will pass you and then the satisfied customers will quietly leave.

Your growth will come instead from dissatisfied and the unsatisfied. The dissatisfied know that they want a solution, but aren’t happy with the solution they’ve got. The minute they find it, they’ll buy it. Yahoo!’s best customers weren’t Google’s first users. Nope. The happy Yahoo! customers weren’t busy looking for a replacement. Google focused on dissatisfied Web surfers. People who were online but weren’t blown away by what they had been using (and wanted to be blown away)

Yes, the loud people who complain all the time are just that, complainers,  and are probably better off complaining in another church. But the majority of members who have been loyal for a longtime, but are now unhappy, and have been unhappy for some time (but have not said anything) will slip away without a word – unless you ask!

I believe in surveying. It helps in correcting issues and it greatly helps in being able to minister more effectively. Granger even offers the weekend survey they use for download. (another post about their weekend survey can be found here)

Of course, you might learn things you don’t want to know, because you might have to change, and change hurts because you’ll have to admit your way is not the best way!  But, if you are so closed you are not listening, or you don’t have an effective vehicle for constructive feedback established, you are seriously missing out on valuable data that can lead to great insight and growth.

Let’s be real for a second! If church is to be about helping others, and we don’t seek out their input, how effective can we be?  We cannot guess on how to help people and be really successful. Don’t ask your staff – ask the people you serve!

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