2008 June | haRdLy NOrMal

Archive for June, 2008

It’s too late for Jerry but is it too late for the church?

Published by June 25th, 2008 in Change, Just Me, Leadership, My Big Mouth

There was a guy in my high school named Jerry. Jerry physically matured years ahead of his time. In 7th grade he was well over 6′ and 250 lbs. He was a giant and everyone was scared of him. Jerry was a jerk yet because we were all too scared to be honest with him his character defects were reinforced. As an adult Jerry turned out to be a complete ass and often hurts those around him! Jerry thinks he is the greatest and deep down he is a good guy with a big heart. But because he continues to believe the false reality he created around him he remains socially retarded

I feel the church is much like Jerry. Stuck on stupid and scared to hear the real truth. So scared of change that leadership works overtime to avoid reality! I am not commenting on any specific church but the church world as a whole. Lots of what I blog about are commonalities I have seen working in fulltime ministry the last 15 years.

Although my posts may be viewed (by some) as negative they are actually very positive. The church needs to wake up and become self-aware because we aren’t even making a dent. For the most part we puff ourselves up with “evangelistic” numbers and praise reports refusing to see reality. The feedback we receive is selective at best. Open and honest communication is a start and if leadership allows for such truthfulness, even at the risk of seeing their own faults, you are in a healthy organization. . If leadership does not allow genuine honesty they are not really leaders.

What I currently see is the church is being built around a personality and not the people. WWJD has turned into “what would pastor do”. Almost every single church staff meeting I have ever been a part of the biggest concern was pleasing the senior pastor. Being effective and helping people took a backseat to the desires of the King. An authoritarianism style of leadership is very common place in the church today ruling either by the use of fear or manipulating people with “blessings”! This style not only creates an ivory tower world to feed and protect their insecurities it does not allow open communication and honesty.

The internet is forcing change in the business world and orginizations are finding success by releasing control to the consumer. Like they have a choice! We are in a consumer driven world these days and the churches who are REALLY making a difference are the ones who engage the people, listen to the people, and allow the people to take some of the control. The churches that are finding real growth, for the most part, are placing people before “the man”. Many don’t even have a photo of the sr pastor on their webpage and promotional materials because they consciously make an effort to be much more than a personality.

I strongly believe the number one principle a leader can adopt, that will positively affect change resulting in genuine growth, is a culture of open and honest healthy communication. You may be able to keep their mouths shut but your people are going to think it anyway. You might as well know what they are thinking. Have a meeting with your people and start by asking “what would you tell me if you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt there would be absolutely no repercussions?”, and then sit and listen, openly, without saying anything, allowing for real and honest feedback. (thanks Andy)

Of course, you may hear things you don’t want to hear. The truth hurts. I know for me it is the stuff that makes me mad, that I don’t want to hear, that I REALLY DO NEED TO HEAR. It may take a day or week for me to realize the person was right, and I was wrong. But the growth is worth the pain.

Here is a truth. No matter how loving you think you are, if you are a leader, people are scared to be honest with you. Chances are, too, that you actually play a part in reinforcing that fear. We don’t like change and we all believe our way is best so we unconsciously create a world to protect our own views. Ask yourself this: The people around you who are the closest to you and help you run the organization, do they challenge you or do they always just agree with you? Do they sometimes make you mad because they stand up for a different point of view? Do you encourage such dialog or shut it down? If you have surrounded yourself with all “yes men” and don’t have a person close to you that sometimes causes trouble, and has a different point of view then yours, you don’t feel comfortable with real honesty and you hurt your own growth.

Jerry is never going to change. The character defects have been reinforced for years and to be honest, Jerry likes it just the way it is with everyone too scared to be real with him.

How about you?

( click here to read an earlier post I wrote after reading that 85% of all project failures can be attributed to “organizational silence”)

Don’t buy a house and I’m coming back strong!

Published by June 24th, 2008 in Just Me

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Today I was told that my house won’t appraise for much more then the balance of my loan. That means to sell the house and get this monkey off my back I have to come up with around $4K – that I don’t have.

It will probably take a few years to completely recover from living off my credit cards these last few months. My credit card debt increased by $15K. The cards are now maxed!

I was curious so I did the math today. I added up all the money that went into this house to buy it and then subtracted what I would have paid for rent and the amount of tax savings I received. Not taking into account the $4K I need to sell the house, or all the stuff I am selling on craigslist for pennies on the dollar, I am out $16K for the last two years.

In the Rich Dad Poor Dad materials it is stated that a house is a liability. Everyone around you is going to tell you that right now is the time to buy. DON’T DO IT! A house is a huge liability and it is not an asset! The employment culture of today is only secure to those who accept that it is unstable and plan for the next move. Don’t get me wrong. I step into each position believing it will last forever, but I won’t ever take a hit like I have here in STL ever again!

This has nothing to do with faith, words, positive thinking or giving. Last year alone I gave away 20% of my income. I believed for the best and fought hard spiritually and personally to make a horrible situation turn around, yet sometimes as the bumper sticker says “it” happens! No matter what you are taught God is not magic and there is no formula to be blessed and circumvent crisis.

When I moved to STL I had $6K in the bank. I had some credit card debt but I was actively chipping away at it. Now, things got so bad two months ago I applied for food stamps. Very humbling! Because I am single it was the only GR I could qualify for. I ended up taking a minimum wage job at Macy’s, yet, even though it hardly paid for the gas to drive there, it gave me something to do. Lord knows I aggressively sought employment and after this move I will take some time and blog about what I have learned. A blog is a good time capsule and the posts I made 6 months ago were just a little whacked. I now have a whole new understanding.

The good news is I am FINALLY seeing a change in the situation. This has been the longest ongoing crisis in my life. One hit after another. Most of the time the hits came when I was away from work which caused me to work more. I literally was in fear of what would happen when I take time off. It was insane. Of course, there are several more hurtles. Isn’t there always? The moving company attached a 19% fuel surcharge which eats my entire relocation budget. Now the gas and hotel I pay for. Again with money I don’t have. The house MUST sell. If it does not I am tanked!

Ok, why am I posting this? Because I am like in a crazy good mood. The house, the money, the stuff – I can always get that back. As I found out by accident the #1 search word that people type in and find hn.com is the word breathalyzer. They land on a post I wrote about the “capacity to be honest” which could not be more perfect. If a person is trying to figure out how to beat a drug test they are not being honest with themselves. Truthfully, the biggest problem I see with people is most of us don’t want to hear the real truth. But that is another post! The capacity to be honest post has even more significance. It was the first time I openly shared about AA and shortly after the church leadership chastised the 12 Steps four times in one meeting. That showed me that my blog was being read and that I could no longer be honest. And yes, it took away my passion for this blog. Repression can do that. Over the years I have seen church leadership be open to AA, and closed to AA. Usually the ones closed to AA have never been to a meeting so they have never shared the unconditional love. Let’s face it; church sometimes makes me want to drink. AA helps me stay sober. There is also a saying. If you want to hear about God go listen to a preacher. If you want to see God in action go to AA and watch one drunk helping another stay clean.

Also, one thing I noticed up unto that point. The more real I got, the more personal I became, the more vulnerable I was, the more you responded. For many of the posts when I started to be vulnerable, capacity to be honest included, I received emails from strangers thanking me. So what’s my point already? Right now I would bet there are lots of people out of work and losing their house. I just felt that if I share about it, the real truth of the situation, that someone out there could relate and maybe, just maybe they would find some hope in this post. Because there is one thing I can guarantee you. even though the challenges of the last 18 months have been exceptionally taxing and came close to destroying me – I am not only going to survive this – I am coming back swinging.

Chase me!

Fundraising tip #37b 1/2

Published by June 23rd, 2008 in Uncategorized

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If you run a campaign that is successful by bringing in a $40 average gift the smart move is to focus on increasing the amount of $40 gifts instead of trying to acquire larger gifts. Fight the temptation to be greedy. Augment what is working instead of trying to increase the size of the single gift.

Also, premiums in the current economy may be a little tricky. For example: besides being viewed as a gimmick, if you are offering an Ipod Nano as a premium for a larger gift, the donor who can fork out that amount of money is probably going to realize the “gift” is bought with their own money. It may actually backfire and the premium offer will have the opposite effect. There is an art to running a successful premium campaign and my best advice is to not be in a hurry and consult with a professional.

When measuring a campaign you must also consider the effect the campaign has on the whole organization. For example: alone total donations of a campaign may look like a success yet what influence did it have on church growth? Were new visitors turned off by a fundraising video before, during and after service? During the campaign did the church grow or subtract? It is so important to look at total effect because in reality the campaign may have lost money. Using another example churches often host really great events that bring in new people, but more focus is given to selling food items then attracting membership. My advice has always been if you are going to host a movie night, car show or other similar event – give the food away. You will raise far more money from one tithing member then hundreds of hotdogs and soda. Besides, chances are the church down the street is not charging. You never get a second chance on a first impression.

I am confused – connection to God question.

Published by June 22nd, 2008 in Uncategorized

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Ok please hear my heart. I am not criticizing just trying to get some understanding. Plus, I usually stay away from this type of discussion (and politics) because all I need to know is God is good and God works. The truth is no human can fully understand God and the Bible so all the debates, too me, are dumb. They usually lead to arguments and I prefer peace.

Anyway,

A few times I have heard the teaching that God won’t work with a hurt, bruised or broken spirit. Only through a positive spirit does God supposedly work. Basically if we are down and depressed we lose our connection to God is what the teaching is saying.

Here is my issue and my confusion. The times in my life that God worked the most was when I was broken. The most significant spiritual revelations come to me when I am going through a severe challenge accompanied with lots of pain. Being honest, during those times I do lose MY connection because I stop praying, reading my bible, etc. But that is when I feel the closest to Him, and it is when He speaks to me the most.

Matthew 5:3

Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

And again being honest, when I was living in a park in Hollywood homelesss I was not rejoicing (or tithing). I was spiritually bankrupt and God delivered me. This last year was crisis after crisis after crisis. When I had lots of faith and believed, fasted, sowed and staying positive through the storm things kept getting worse and worse and worse. Now that I am broken I see more clearly though my spiritual eyes. Now that I am broken God is starting to work miracles.

Please know I really am confused here and my only motivation is to find understanding.

Any thoughts?

Feel sorry for us we’re poor ministers and deserve a discount.

Published by June 21st, 2008 in Uncategorized

4 Comments »

I am having a fire sale on craigslist and one email I received attempted to manipulate the price by stating he was a campus pastor. Basically he was implying that I should feel sorry for the vocation he selected and give him a break. After all ministers don’t have money, right?

Well I called him on it. And to be honest, I have tried to play this card myself a few times. If you are in ministry chances are so have you.

I believe years ago it was even listed on license plates and clergy were given special treatment. Times have changed and even though many of the old school leaders want to bring the respect and protocol back, it is not going to happen. Actually I somewhat agree it should come back yet talking down to people will never bring respect back. I have seen firsthand a pastor alienate people by chastising them for not having military like protocol when addressing him. Some real truth for you. People don’t respect ministers and chastising them won’t bring that respect back. It just separates you more. We are in a new era and the religious and rigid views of yesteryear are long gone. Right or wrong they are gone forever!

This is where we are today. A few years back I was in a coffee house in Hollywood with a pastor friend of mine. A guy asked him what he did for a living. My friend gladly said he is a pastor thinking this is going to open a door. The guy then responded “so you like little boys?”

It is not the peoples fault. It is ours. We created this. The office of clergy, or reverend, or pastor, or bishop, or whatever title you want to give yourself, is no longer respected. And can you blame people?

I am not referring to the major highly publicized immoral failures. I am talking about how as Christians we are known to be cheap. Just ask any wait staff and they’ll tell you we’re horrible tippers. Plus, we try and manipulate people in the hopes of getting a reduced rate on a sale. There is more, you fill in the blank. We are jerks, liars, cheats, manipulators, and freaks!

10 years ago I was riding in the passenger seat of a brand new SUV crawling down Sunset Blvd. The driver was the son of one of the most famous pastors of our time. It was a nice day and we had the windows down just moving slowly in “parking lot” LA traffic. All of a sudden a LAPD motorcycle officer was parked on the side of the road only a few feet from my door. We were fast approaching and neither of us had our seat belts on. The cop was looking right at us so it would have been too obvious to quickly buckle up, so I simply opted to smile and say “hello officer”. “Hello”, he returned and followed with “pullover”, which we did. Now at the time I really was a poor minister. My income was $25 a week. The driver, son of a very famous high profile celebrity pastor, tried to talk his way out of the ticket by telling the officer how we feed the homeless and do the work of the Lord. That we don’t have much money because ministers that follow Jesus are poor. With registration in hand the officer asked if this was a new SUV. The driver said yes. The officer handed him the ticket and walked away. Of course, I honestly did not have the money for a $200 ticket and I had to go to court to request community service. If you have never enjoyed the LA court system or community services it is a treat.

(more…)

Bless me or bless you?

Published by June 20th, 2008 in Change, Character, Community, Homeless, Just Me, Leadership, Learning, Life's Lessons, Managment, My Big Mouth, Outreach

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For the last 5 years I have worked in churches that were 75% focused on “bless me bless me” instead of blessing others. It was not until I needed help because I did not have money or food that I consciously saw the fallout from that style of ministry. When people focus on becoming a millionaire their hearts change. When leadership’s primary teaching is about receiving instead of giving, even though helping others is mentioned, giving unselfishly never becomes a priority or a lifestyle. A generous heart cannot grow when a person is constantly praying to receive.

A short time ago I had to apply for food stamps. Very humbling to say the least! At one point I was down to 3 cans of tuna. I found there are some very unselfish and genuine people in the world and I am in awe of the sacrifice they made to help me out. But none of those people attend a “bless me” church.

I say all that not to criticize the “bless me” churches, but to slap myself in the face! Thank goodness my original Christian foundation came from an outreach focused church because I continue to always put others before me, yet I am not proud of what I did or who I became these last several years. I compromised what I know to be right in so many ways.

Last week a couple handed me a large envelope of cash. The week before someone filled my fridge and another person paid my mortgage. When I told my best friend he said “God blessed you” yet I disagree! God does not bless with a new car or a fat check. God blesses with challenges that help you grow. We are confused. We all run around seeking “blessings” from God that are for the most part material stuff we’ll end up selling on craigslist. The new car only blesses for a short time as you show off to your neighbors. We are being trained to be selfish “bless me bless me” so we perceive, for the most part, that the only blessings from God are material or financial.

In my adult life the biggest blessings I have ever received where 1) homelessness 2) divorce 3) unexpected unemployment. Why would I say that? Because in each situation I grew to be a better person – I was truly blessed!

What I really wanted to say!

Published by June 20th, 2008 in Change, Character, Community, Customer Service, Just Me, Leadership, Learning, Life's Lessons, Managment, My Big Mouth

2 Comments »

Ahhh the feeling of freedom after being repressed.

For some time I was not allowed to be myself. To be completely honest I was employed at a place where people are not allowed to be honest and have to say things like “we are receiving our healing” instead of saying “I am sick” or “I have a cold”. Although I completely agree with positive thinking this type of environment is far from positive. People are scared to be real and it encourages people to be superficial. Even though the assumed intent is to create a positive workplace it actually produces the opposite since honestly is repressed!

When I wrote this post what I really wanted to say is:

If the local drycleaner cares more about people, genuinely cares more about people then the local church – there is something seriously wrong with the church!

Shunning is horrible

Published by June 17th, 2008 in Change, Character, Just Me, Leadership, Learning, Life's Lessons, Managment, Ministry, My Big Mouth

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Shunning is not of God. It is a form of manipulation and it is wrong. Usually people who shun others justify their actions with rationalization. “We’ll allow God to work” is one. Truth is by shunning you are limiting God by only allowing one solution to an issue. Just maybe God wants to teach a person how to have healthy confrontation and to communicate openly and honestly. Another reason people shun is to avoid confrontation. It is easier to avoid then to deal with an issue or person.

If you are a leader in an organization that shuns people – stop it! It is wrong. Learn to have healthy communication with people.

If you are an employee in an organization that shuns people – run away as fast as you can!

If you are a member of an organization that shuns people – leave immediately!

slowly coming back – topic: strategy

Published by June 14th, 2008 in Change, Character, Fundraising, Just Me, Leadership, Learning, Managment, Marketing, Media, Ministry

1 Comment

Here is part of the great post Phil Cooke wrote about strategy:

But I’m shocked at the number of people that just keep doing the same thing year after year as if the direction of the ministry, audience numbers, response, income – whatever, will magically change. But getting from point A to point B doesn’t happen by accident. It happens through a well thought out plan.

And by the way – when it comes to churches – changing graphics, cool music, lighting effects, or dumping the choir robes isn’t a strategy. That’s just re-arranging deck chairs on the Titanic. You need a fundamental re-think of what story your church or ministry is trying to tell, what that means to your audience, how to connect with that audience, and why it’s absolutely urgent they respond right now.

I could not resist posting a comment. I am really getting the itch to blog again so even though I am not taking hn.com life just yet, I thought I would get a fix. Here is the comment. Please know this is not negative. It really is positive because if more people would actually have the courage to be honest then the church would become self-aware and actually be effective.

Personality driven church leaderships unconscious need for control always seems to override what is the right and quite possibly the most effective choice. They will say they want growth, yet in reality they just want to be the boss. More often than not these authoritarian style leaders hinder their own church growth.

It is not uncommon for the pastor’s wife to gather together a team of people who have no real experience in fundraising to sit around for an hour or more to “guess” out a strategy. No data is gathered and there is no research – just verbal guessing as to what may be effective. Everyone gets pumped up because they now feel important and heck, this stuff must work since they saw it used on TBN. The only real requirement to be included in the team is that the person will NOT be completely honest since the last thing leadership wants is the real truth. Even the selection of the team is a guessing game so several of the people chosen have no business being in a strategy meeting. A time and productivity waster all around!

Although a plan is made it really just sends the organization into busy mode wasting resources and time. If success happens it only is a result of the law of averages and luck. A proper strategy crafted by professionals would not only save time and money it would achieve the desired results quicker. Unless the desired result is to feed control issues than the ego would be bruised if a professional is consulted and Lord knows the King can’t have that.

It always amuses me that church leadership will contract an accounting firm because they see the worth in hiring a professional for those tasks, yet when it comes to marketing most believe they are “gifted” so they chose to shoot themselves in the foot. One pastor I know contracted a web designer and just told him to make the site. The designer lives in another state and has never been to this church. He is given no information at all yet instructed to make a “cutting edge” website. When I brought this up over dinner conversation the pastor said he didn’t have time and it was the web guy’s job anyway. I tried to explain the importance of a web presence and the ignorance in not giving the designer any direction or data, yet it fell on deaf ears. Another ministry I know sends out direct mail each month for two separate campaigns yet gives no information to the writer. The writer just guesses on content twice a month. Yup, true story. There is no strategy, no measuring effectiveness, and they continue to send out two mailings each month simply because “that is what ministries do”. Even though the ineffectiveness and the amount of money wasted has been brought up in the past they continue on as is. Same with TV, thousands of dollars spent each week for a show that has no direction. It is just there and the correct decision is either to put resources into the show or get off the air. Of course, the occasional ego boost the pastor receives in public keeps the show on the air. The sad part is this is not just one ministry but many.

Pride and ignorance don’t see themselves in the mirror. For the most part these are good men and women who are just blind. Can you just imagine how effective we could be if we had the courage to be completely honest with ourselves and became self-aware?