hardly hormal

As I get closer to surgery I keep thinking about my last major surgery several years back. There seems to be several similarities. Kind of the same area of human anatomy and almost exactly the same time of year! Last surgery I ate my first solid food on Thanksgiving. It was so good to be alive I was even grateful for hospital processed turkey loaf.

Back when I lived in Hollywood my appendix burst. I was in severe pain but like most people; we just keep hoping it gets better all on its own. Plus, I had a shoot in the morning with Pastor Tommy. You don’t call in sick on that! I paced around my pad in pain for several hours!

The pain was so bad I was about to call 911 when I had the thought that if I do, I’ll have to walk to the lobby to let them in. I lived on the third floor of a security building. Since I would have to let them in the front door I might as well just walk to the garage and drive myself. So I did! Wait, it gets much better!

After several hours in the emergency room (I once waited 24 hours just to be seen at County USC with a broken wrist) they ran some tests and told me I had food poising. I bought it, heck; I ate donated food at the Dream Center cafeteria that afternoon. It made sense.

I went home and the pain kept getting progressively worse. I could not sit, lay down, stand, walk – it was hell! After about 12 more hours I decide to go back to the hospital. Yup, you guessed it, I drove myself – again! This time I ran up on a curve barley missing a light pole on Sunset Blvd. It was not just a little off course curb slam; I went up a small hill and then back down completely off the road. Dumb in a no dumb zone!

We will fast forward the story past admittance to where they have finally prepped me for surgery. Ahhhhh Demerol! They had me on a gurney in the hall. I don’t know if it was protocol or if the hospital staff was introducing themselves to me on their own. It was a nice distraction. After a few said hello and explained what their jobs were I was approached by a 55 – 65 year old Pilipino man. I forgot his name but he stated he was the assistant surgeon.

He started to wind-up to lead me to the Lord. I thought I would save him some time and energy and told him I was on staff at the Dream Center. Of course, the Dream Center has a large Pilipino ministry and he knew it well. He asked what I did and I responded: “television producer”. I will never forget what happened next.

He then proceeded to tell me he had a gift. That God gave him a gift - the gift of rapping. I thought to myself, “cool, he will wrap all of my innards professionally, he has a gift”. Right then and there, in the middle of the hall with his co-workers watching, this 50 plus Pilipino man, in broken English no less, busts out in the most horrible Christian rap you have ever heard. Even medicated it was painful. Here was a man that was about to cut me open. I could not stop him, heck he might leave his class ring inside me or something even worse. I think he thought that I could get him a contract on TBN – I don’t know. What I do know is that it was probably one of the most hilarious moments in my life.