Last night someone contacted me and basically asked “how do you know if you are making a decision based on emotion like fear or if you are being objective?”

I was very much flattered that they would choose me to answer such an important question. Since I didn’t know any of the details other then the question itself I took this very seriously and started to think real hard on what I would do; or that I would try to do!

Pause!!!

Yes, hit the pause button. Too me this is a hard one. I have found that those real important decisions in life are best made after a little time has passed. Especially if strong emotions are involved! It is the difference between responding and reacting.  Never react out of fear, anger, despair, hatred, sadness or any strong emotion that will most certainly distort your perception of reality. This also gives you time to seek God’s will for your life. It may take a day, maybe a week or two! It is remarkable how your views on a situation change after a week. I often, because God is so awesome, have been forced not to react on my timeline and each and every time I have been grateful that I waited. 

Seek Godly counsel!!! Proverbs 12:15 Proverbs 19:20

Godly counsel means godly counsel, not good opinions from nice people. Here are some basic guidelines I use to find someone who can set me straight.

1) They are strong Christians – grounded in God’s Word and prayer
2) They have strengths and attributes I admire.
3) They are stable and their lives are well balanced
4) I can trust them.
5) They have good judgment and demonstrate great wisdom
6) They are slow to give advice, but rather help me make decisions on my own yet when needed, they’ll stop me from doing something dumb
7) They have the courage to be really honest with me meaning they will tell me the truth even if the truth will hurt me – that is how we grow and check our perceptions.

I cherish the people in my life whom I choose to counsel with. Or should I say they allow me to share and/or vent issues when I need guidance. Each one has helped me mirror myself so I can see if my actions and beliefs are wrong, so I can adjust and correct to be a better person. Many have told me things I did not want to hear, but they usually were right, and after much introspection I would accept the truth and grow. Sure it is painful but the rewards are great. The truth will beyond a doubt set you free.

Most people counsel with someone who will tell them what they want to hear. In fact they will often go from person to person until they find someone who will validate their damaged perceptions. It is not easy admitting you are wrong, and that your views are wrong, so people will work very hard to protect their beliefs.

I also do not counsel with people who will be biased. Friends and family who are too close may not tell you the truth because they don’t want to hurt you, they don’t see the truth or for their own motives. I love my mother with all of my heart. I will often share issues with her to be comforted however, my mother and most mothers are too subjective to tell their child the truth. Even when I am being selfish, or really dumb, I am still her baby and she is blinded by that. It is very hard for a mother to see wrong in her child and do anything but offer love and support.

Now my dad – he’ll tell it like it is, but in my case I find it extremely hard to be emotionally honest with my father. We are two completely different generations and I have never been able to be emotionally honest except on a few rare occasions.

When seeking counsel it is very important to be completely honest and tell the real truth. Over the years, because I seek personal growth more then anything, I have found telling the real truth becomes easier and easier. What I mean by real truth is I share with the person I counsel with all sides to the story – not just mine! The reason is I know I make mistakes and that I am often wrong. Boy can I mess things up! I know my perceptions get whacked just like everyone else’s so I want to guarantee that if I am in the wrong I will receive correction.

So now when someone texts me a serious question late at night I can just send them to hardlynormal.com.

The people that are closest to me are the people who I know will tell me the truth; especially when I don’t want to hear it – because that is when I need the truth the most!

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 28th, 2007 at 1:20 am and is filed under Bible, Blogs, Change, Character, Community, Future, Just Me, Leadership, Learning, Life's Lessons, My Big Mouth, Personal Growth, Recovery. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.